Definitely Not a Long Distance Relationship

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. She isn't an army wife but has many army wife friends. I mentioned that Mike might be calling soon. She got excited for me and mentioned that one of her other army wife friends was sometimes unsure what to talk about when her husband would call during a deployment. She said her friend wondered if she should worry him with the daily happenings or keep the conversation light. I never really thought about it until that moment. I usually just ramble on about our day or ask him specific things to help me in making decisions. Sometimes we have a limited amount of time to talk and I don't always tell him everything that happens (mostly because I forget).

Going through a deployment with your soldier is nothing like a long distance relationship. The distance is there, certainly, but the relationship is so much different than your typical long distance relationship. I can't call him anytime I want to tell him something or see how his day is going. I wait by the phone until he is able to make it to a phone to call me. I can't get on a plane or hop in my car to go see him over the weekend. He can't leave either.

This got me thinking about our phone conversations. No matter how brief they may be, it's how we communicate. Do I worry him with details like, "The dryer busted again, the fridge stopped making ice and my car has a flat" all in one day? Usually I tell him these things after I take care of them. I don't want to worry him with unnecessary things. I talk to him about the kids a lot. "Should I send Belle to cheer camp this summer?" "Job wants to learn to play the violin." More importantly, "This will cost money, what are your thoughts?"

Sometimes it just depends on your soldier and what he wants to know. I don't want to cause him to worry. I think he does enough of that without me adding to his anxiety. As a military spouse, when your spouse is deployed, do you choose not to talk about certain issues with your spouse because you fear it would cause more stress? Do you tell him everything? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Photo Friday

One of the challenges a military spouse faces is fitting as much as possible into a large flat rate box. It doesn't always work out as planned.

Well of Hope

Hagar is introduced in Genesis 16 and is intertwined with Sarah's story. Hagar was an Egyptian slave that Sarah used as a surrogate mother to provide Abraham with the child she feared she never would. It didn't really work out like Sarah had hoped (Gen. 16:4-5). Hagar did give birth to a son, but despised Sarah in the process. Hagar was eventually cast out with her son, Abraham's heir, once Sarah had Isaac (Gen. 21:8-14).  Hagar was alone, with her small child, wandering in the wilderness. She ran out of water and had no one to turn to. She placed her child under a shrub because she didn't want to watch him die. She was helpless and afraid. In that moment, she called out to God.

I'm falling in love with these stories. As I read about Hagar and her desperation, it doesn't take long before the Hero steps in at the climax of the story and saves the day. When Hagar is at her weakest moment, God "calls to Hagar out of heaven." (Gen 21:17) He comforts her and provides her with a future promise of making her son a great nation, which gives her hope and the strength to stand up. He opens her eyes to see a well of water. (I could go on all day about the significance of water in the bible, but instead I'll just give you a few scriptures... Isaiah 12:3, 35:6, John 7:38, Luke 16:24.)

The meaning of this well of water is beyond my understanding. I personally have never experienced a physical thirst like the one Hagar and her son were experiencing. I can somewhat relate emotionally and spiritually. As a military wife, there are many days that I walk around in a fuzzy haze of lonliness when my husband is deployed. People care and lend their kind words of encouragement and support. I know that I have several people in my life that I can call when I'm feeling really down, which is more than Hagar had. Honestly though, if I only relied on the people in my life to carry me through the deployment, my expectations would not be met. No matter how much they care for me and my family, they couldn't provide me with the well of hope that I truly need to get me through it.

I love that Hagar's story is recorded to encourage me during my weakest moments. It means so much to know that the women in the Bible meant just as much to God. He revealed Himself to them and made them promises, gave them hope, comforted them and used them to do great things. When Hagar was at her weakest, God gave her strength. He provided her with a well of water. It is a well of hope for me today.

Have there been moments in your life when you were able to see God's well of hope and promises? If so, you're right where you ought to be; leaning on Him for strength.

Decisions

I just began doing a bible study about the women of the bible. First up is, of course, Eve. As I'm reading the scripture, at first I'm thinking, "Good grief, Eve, being created from Adam's rib bone must not have offered you much intelligence." As I continue to read Genesis 3, I begin to realize that it wasn't Eve's lack of intelligence that prompted her to make the fatal decision to eat the fruit; it was her vulnerability that left her heart unguarded to believe the lies of the serpent.

Much like Eve, I'm the type of woman that wants to keep it all together and let everyone know, "I've got this, people!" This is especially true when my husband is deployed. He's gone for 12 months and our household must continue functioning. I have to step into his shoes for a time, which is the perfect opportunity for me to behave just like Eve. It's the perfect opportunity to forget that I need to guard my vulnerable heart while I'm making major decisions for my household.

I'm not saying her motives weren't pure. Her decision was driven by the desire to "eat good" and "gain more wisdom" (Gen. 3:6). She knew the warning God had given but the serpent deceived her. This deception led her to make a decision that ultimately  brought her shame and pain (Gen. 3:7, 16).

So, this leads me to a very important question: How do I guard my heart while my husband is deployed?
1. God's promises in Scripture - Ps. 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble"
2. Church Family
3. Support from other military spouses who are sharing the same experiences - The Lantern or the FRG (Family Readiness Group)

These are just a few that quickly came to mind. Are there any other scriptures or people in your life that you turn to when the decisions that you need to make as a military spouse seem to be too much to bear?

Chain for Daddy

Today we're making a prayer/countdown chain for daddy. My 8 yr old is organized and eager to get this project started. We thought a red/white/blue theme would be good, but then she found all these fantastic colors.
I'm currently cutting 365 strips of paper to chain link together. Every night, we'll tear one off, say a prayer and thank God we're one day closer to Daddy returning home.

Countdowns

It's been a few minutes since I've stopped by the blogoshere. Nursing school gets in the way of all fun. I only have 2 weeks of classes, a clinical rotation and final exams left before summer break gets here. I'm very ready for the break. The last few months have been a bit more than I can bear. It's time for the dreaded countdowns. As an army family, you start to count down the days before a deployment. How many days do we have to spend with Daddy before he leaves? How many Sunday afternoon meals can we spend with friends? Only 2 weeks left, better get that "honey do" list done. It's hard not starting the countdown for his return home prior to him leaving. Let the countdowns begin.